3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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