What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
