i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
