Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
