I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
