not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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