woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
