ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
