He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
