My brain says no but my pants say off.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
