listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
