I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
