goodnight i made you a song goodbye
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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