You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
