so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
