You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
