I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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