we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
