She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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