She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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