As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
