woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
