you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
