also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize