is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
