hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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