They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
