I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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