Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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