Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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