somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
im drinking this country out of the recession.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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