If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
