I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
