I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
