If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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