if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
