im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Randomize
