I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
