I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
