remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
