all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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