After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
