New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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