the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
