That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
