I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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