So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
