Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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