so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Randomize
