there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
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