you have to choose: penises or morals?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
