I hate your face
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
