There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Randomize
