I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
