I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
