Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
