I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
