Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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