Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
