kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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