My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
