We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You know, be my cock's hype man.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
