do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
