the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
