I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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