i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
