Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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