i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
