awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
