She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
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Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
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Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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