I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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