i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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