when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
