my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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