we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
