I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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