Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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