i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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