Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize