The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
