somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
