my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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