The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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