I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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