i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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