Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
