At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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