Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
if only i could text you this smell
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
